


To Catch a War Criminal

by almaia



Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Chilcot, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossdressing, Lolitics - Freeform, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8716267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaia/pseuds/almaia
Summary: Tony Blair has evaded a Parliamentary inquiry on Chilcot and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom cooks up a rather creative plan to have him pay for his misdeeds.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The content of this work is purely fictional even if the characters are real life figures and some real life events are referenced to. No disrespect and political bias is intended by this work.

Jeremy Corbyn was just tending his allotment when all of a sudden, one of his special advisers called him, telling him that he is “needed in Number 10” urgently. He had no slight idea on how come and the last time he checked, the United Kingdom wasn’t at war – so why was he, the Opposition Leader, needed in the Prime Minister’s residence so urgently?

Nevertheless, he found himself in the Prime Minister’s office at four in the afternoon on a Saturday for whatever reason it may serve.

“No Jeremy, the United Kingdom is not at war!” The Prime Minister explained firmly as her palms landed on her desk.

“Then why do you need me at this time, and so urgently?” Jeremy asked, wishing that she’d just spill the beans already. Then again, he doesn’t have the right to demand for that because she asked for him, not the other way around.

“We’re catching a war criminal today.” The Prime Minister spoke, “Tony Blair. The ex-Prime Minister we all love to loathe – and especially you, you loathe him so much.”

“And what does this have to do with me?” Jeremy asked again, so unsure about why he would be needed in catching Tony Blair. Sure, he hates Tony but never has it crossed on his mind to assist in the operations to arrest him.

“We need an accomplice, a confederate.” The Prime Minister was now speaking much seriously than before, “And that’s where you, Jeremy, come in.”

Realizing that this would be a wonderful opportunity for him to get back at Tony Blair for all those times he tried to ruin the credibility of Labour, he said, “Y-yes Prime Minister, I’m willing to take part of this mission. _Anything for you_!”

“That’s better.” Theresa said as she ran her hands over his chest, eliciting blushing from the Leader of the Opposition. Jeremy returned the favor back, giving the Prime Minister a long but chaste kiss on the lips.

When they broke from the kiss, Theresa said, “Well anyway, let’s get to work now, shall we?”

* * *

 

It happened all so fast and before he knew it, he found himself sitting in front of a mirror in the Prime Minister’s bedroom.

“Theresa Mary May, I didn’t sign up to become a drag queen!” Jeremy protested as make-up was dutifully applied to his face. Theresa looked at him with amusement as he protested.

“Jeremy, _for heaven’s sake_ , shut your trap!” Philip May frustratingly spoke as he tried to apply lipstick to the Leader of the Opposition, “You’re going to ruin your lipstick if you won’t stop blabbering!”

Jeremy was shocked when the Prime Minister had revealed that her husband was going to do his make-up. Then again, he remembered that one interview with the Prime Minister from _The Sunday Times_ where she named her husband as her personal stylist.

“Now…Jeremy, either you cooperate or you’re sharing a jail cell with Tony Blair when this is all over.” Theresa said as she laid her palm on his shoulders. Jeremy could not help but feel his gut sink. It would be a nightmare to be locked in a room next to his political nemesis for life.

“You better be grateful that the Prime Minister is giving you this opportunity.” Philip said as he prepared to put on the wig on Jeremy, “Participating in this operation may even make you the next Prime Minister. Just imagine the headlines declaring you a hero after you assist in catching Tony Blair.”

And now, Jeremy was imagining being in drag, being congratulated for helping in an entrapment operation on Tony Blair. He could imagine his supporters loving him even more, fighting to have him remain as Labour leader (for life, even!). Most of all, he could imagine winning the next General Elections in a landslide.

All Jeremy could do now was nod in agreement as a short blonde wig was put on him. The wig looked exactly like the Prime Minister’s hair. It was then when he realized – _he had to impersonate the Prime Minister_ in order to catch Tony Blair.

Then Amber Rudd entered the room, just in time to see Jeremy Corbyn looking almost like her boss. She almost wanted to laugh at the sight of it, but then she remembered that the Prime Minister is also in the room and she might not appreciate it.

“Mr. Corbyn, you might be wondering why you are made to look like the Prime Minister at this time.” Amber said as he walked closer towards Jeremy and the Mays, “You see, Mr. Blair wants to meet the Prime Minister up for coffee. I figured out that it would be the best scenario to catch him in an entrapment operation. So…the Prime Minister said yes to him for coffee but what he doesn’t know is that instead of her, you are showing up, as her of course!”

“Look, Miss Home Secretary, I appreciate this opportunity of being able to serve justice to that man but…” Jeremy said as he swallowed a lump on his throat, “What if he finds out it’s me underneath this disguise?”

“Are you doubting my husband’s ability as a stylist?” Theresa asked, slightly offended.

“No…that’s not what I meant!” Jeremy was literally scared now. Something about Theresa’s glare at him after he talked about the disguise not working frightened him, “I mean, what if I don’t sound “posh enough” and he finds out that he isn’t talking to you but rather, talking to Jeremy Corbyn?”

“And that’s why you’ll be needing this.” Amber said as he handed him an earpiece, “Just listen out to me so that you’ll know what exactly to say. The coffee shop you’ll be meeting him at will be bugged so we can hear what he’ll be telling you.”

* * *

 

Jeremy looked at himself on the mirror as he was now clad in _What Katie Did_ ’s Nude Illusion Lingerie. Part of him doesn’t get why he has to go all the way with wearing such extravagant lingerie. It’s not like he’s going to have a quick shag with Tony Blair.

“Honestly, you look gorgeous.” Theresa mockingly spoke as she let out a chuckle afterwards. Oh, it was nice for her to see her opposition leader like this, “Isn’t he, Philip?”

“ _I’d tap his ass_ , as the Mayllenials would say.” Philip then proceeded to give a light smack to Jeremy’s butt, much to Jeremy’s amusement.

“Well, what do you know?” Jeremy said, imitating the Prime Minister’s voice and gesture and all, “My darling husband never fails to recognize how gorgeous I am. _As always_.”

“Perhaps I could have _a word with you_ when you’re done entrapping Tony Blair.” Philip said with a cheeky smile – only to be met by Theresa’s death glare at him.

“Oh, Jeremy. Put on that dress and you better not destroy it!” Theresa said as she left her bedroom, with her husband in tow. Jeremy then turned to look at the dress he was to wear -  Vivienne Westwood’s gold Bubble Long Dress.

* * *

 

Despite the fact that he has come to accept hours ago that he had to go the rest of the day in drag, as the Prime Minister, he still found it unsettling that his beard was shaved off and his face caked with make-up. To top it all off, he is wearing a dress paired up with kitten heels.

He was now at a Costa Coffee near Westminster, waiting for Tony Blair to show up. Nervously waiting, he toyed with the bracelet he was wearing. When he wasn’t doing that, he was taking a sip of the coffee that he has ordered.

After what seemed to be ages, Tony Blair showed up – with a bevy of security detail. Jeremy wasn’t surprised though because Tony was definitely rich enough to get his own security detail, even though he’s now an ex-Prime Minister and is currently being hunted down by the government, in fact.

“Prime Minister May!” Tony said as he approached the table where Jeremy was situated, “What an honor to finally meet you!”

“I’d love to say the same thing to you as well, Mr. Blair.” Jeremy said in his most on-point imitation of the Prime Minister. He sure hoped that Blair wouldn’t find out as early as now that he’s talking to Jeremy Corbyn, not the Prime Minister.

“I am glad that you found the time for us to discuss about my concerns on Brexit.” Tony said as he sat down on the chair beside Jeremy’s, “And by the way, you’re looking gorgeous today!”

“Thank you, Mr. Blair!” Jeremy was starting to get the hang of this. Oh yes, he wants to see how long Tony would go without noticing that he isn’t talking to the actual Prime Minister, but rather, to an impersonator of hers, “But most importantly, we have serious issues to talk about.”

* * *

 

Meanwhile at the manager’s office of that Costa Coffee branch, Theresa, Amber and some MI5 agents huddled as they watched the live CCTV footage. The manager was meticulously staring at the screen, knowing that if she missed a detail or two, she could be done for.

“Jeremy, you have to insist to him that stopping Brexit isn’t going to work.” Amber said over a mic that was connected to Jeremy’s earpiece, “Tell him that it has always been the Conservative Party’s stand that _Brexit Means Brexit_. No ifs and no buts!”

“He’s holding up quite well.” Theresa commented as she watched Jeremy talk his way into convincing Blair that he was talking to the real deal.

“I think he’s trying to run his hand up his legs!” The Costa Coffee branch manager spoke as she pointed to the screen. Lo and behold, Tony Blair was trying to sneak his hands up Jeremy’s legs as Jeremy spoke!

Luckily enough, Jeremy slapped Tony’s hands off his legs, reminding him once more, in a Theresa May fashion, about how there is more issues to be discussed.

Tony then apologized for what he did, explaining that he may have just been “too carried away” with speaking to “such a divine looking woman”. Theresa could not help but do a facepalm. Oh, she’s glad that she has sent someone to deal with Blair. If she had dealt with him herself, he’d be on his way to the emergency room at this very moment.

* * *

 

“Mr. Blair, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to freshen up in the restroom.” Jeremy said, “I will be back in a few” he added as he stood up.

“Take your time, dear.” Tony told him, “I can wait for you _all day_.” Oh, Tony was feeling so smooth at this moment, not knowing what is in store with him. Not knowing what is actually going to happen to him.

Jeremy then made his way into the restroom, locking the doors to make sure nobody enters by accident. Finally, he lets out a gasp and adjusts the lapel mic that was attached to him, “Amber, how long do I have to remain in here?” he asks.

“For about five minutes.” Amber tells him over the earpiece, “The MI5 agents who are arresting him are on their way. You should hear Tony Blair pleading for mercy at any moment.”

* * *

 

Tony Blair was just lazily sitting when all of a sudden, a bevy of MI5 agents broke into the coffee shop and went straight for him, handling him roughly as if he was some high value terrorist they found.

“W-what is the meaning of this?” Tony said in a startled tone. He had no idea why the MI5 is suddenly after him.

“You are under arrest for failing to notify the Parliament within 72 hours on your failure to show up to the inquiry on the Chilcot Report!” An MI5 agent said as he motioned for his fellow agents to usher Tony Blair off the coffee shop.

“You can’t do this to me! I am the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom!” Tony protested, “I need to talk to my lawyer!”

Just then, Jeremy Corbyn, still dressed as the Prime Minister, sauntered out of the restroom, carefully passing by Tony Blair who was being dragged out of the coffee shop by the MI5.

“Maybe you should have just showed up to the inquiry.” Jeremy said, now using his normal voice, “And maybe you wouldn’t be set up with an impersonator of the Prime Minister and be arrested in the process.”

“On a second thought, just take me away already.” Tony told the MI5 agents who were dragging him, “I don’t want to be here any longer, especially that it turned out I was having coffee with that bloody socialist all this time!”

Jeremy could see the look of disgust on Tony’s face. It must have been so painful for Tony not knowing that all those times, he was actually hitting on his sworn political nemesis.

“I think you broke him.” Theresa said as she laid her palm on his shoulder, “And to that I say, good job, Mr. Corbyn!”

“Just as we planned.” Jeremy reacted as he and the Prime Minister watched Tony being hauled off by MI5 agents to an unmarked vehicle.

“By the way, you look stunning.” Theresa remarked, “Perhaps I could recruit you as my body double?”

“As much as that sounds promising since it means I get to become “Prime Minister”, I’m afraid I’d have to turn down that offer.” Jeremy responded as images of Philip may hitting on him dressed up as his wife played on his mind. He surely wouldn’t want to end up in such situation.


End file.
